O Noes We Doomed!
by Stupidfic
Summary: a girl goes to Silent Hill to run from her problems only to find them super sized


-1A woman by the name of Sally was driving her car to Silent Hill. She heard rumors of strange and terrifying stories about that place, but Sally had to run from her troubles and that location was a good place to hide. The troubles she is fleeing from is nothing more than a day at the beach. It may not seem much to you, but she thinks she looks fat in her new bikini, and she would be, like, sooo embarrassed if people saw her.

But Sally was now lost because she was daydreaming about her fears at the beach. Luckily, she noticed a strange man shuffling by the side of the road. She stopped her car and opened up her window to talk to the dude.

She shouted "hey mister! Does this road lead to Silent Hill?" 

The strange man looked at Sally and said "yes it is. But be warned, for going to that town of the damned will only bring suffering and pain!"

"So why are you heading to Silent Hill?"

"…there's a bathroom there and I really need to take a dump. Have fun!"

Sally drove off. Half a mile later, she arrived at her destination. Silent Hill was rather… silent. There appeared to be no people anywhere and a thick fog seem to cover the town. But Sally didn't mind, she assumed everyone was at home looking at pornography on their computers. She stopped her car in front of a hotel and got out.

She entered the hotel and found the inside dark and quiet. Unable to find anyone around, the lady searched for a bell and rang it. Three seconds afterwards a door opened up and out came a person who appeared to be wearing a giant triangle hat that completely hid it's face.

"Welcome to the Pyramid Head Hotel" the person who sounded like a man said "how may I help you?"

Sally answered "I need a room to spend the night. And why is there no light in here?"

"There's no light? I didn't notice such thing with my awesome pyramid hat on. Please, take this item for my forgiveness."

The Pyramid Head pulled out a pretty birthday cake with lit candles on top. Sally's eyes widen and feet moved backwards.

She stuttered "uh, no thanks. I don't like cake. It makes me fat."

"Don't be silly!" Pyramid Head chuckled "There's nothing wrong with a tiny bite. Go on, try some!"

But Sally refused. Suddenly, a flaming jack-o-lantern face formed on the side of the frosted food.

"eat me" groaned the cake "EAT MEEEEEE!!!"

The female shrieked and retreated. The male tried to follow but tripped over a chair.

The cake yelled to Pyramid Head "damn it Kyle take off that stupid hat so you can see where the fuck you're going!"

"Make me!" Pyramid Head, or Kyle, replied.

As the two argued, Sally ran out of the hotel and gasped. Hundreds of different cakes were coming out of the fog and heading towards her while speaking.

"Eat us!"

"Taste us!"

"Resistance is futile!"

"NEVER!" Sally screamed. She stomped her way through the horde.

She tried to escape, but everywhere she went there was always something lurking around. The dirty hospital, the abandoned amusement park, the spooky forest, the secret lab under the haunted orphanage. Now that Sally thought about it, Silent Hill was nothing more then a bunch of scary places.

The last area she could hide in was the broken-down restroom. Inside there were no cakes, but there was that strange guy taking a huge shit!

"I warned you about Silent Hill!" the dude said, not caring what Sally was viewing at "now you're doomed for eternity unless you face your fears!"

"Then how do I face my fears?" asked the lady.

"You must go to the bakery that was owned by a demented necrophilia dealer. There, you find your worst fears. Now go, before my fears find me!"

Then the door leading outside the restroom broke open, and in came a clown wearing rapper's clothing!

"AHHH!!!!! IT'S TOO LATE!!!"

The strange person ran off, forgetting to pull up his pants… and his underwear.

As he fled, the gangsta clown chased after him, rapping "yo yo yo G noodle is da house!"

Taking the weirdo's advice, Sally went to the bakery. It was a normal looking place, what with all the satanic markings on the walls and the rotting corpses on the floor. But the entrance was locked when she came in, and largest and scariest wedding cake appeared out of nowhere!

The cake demon shouted "I AM YOUR WORST NIGHTMARE! TREMBLE AS I STUFF MY CREAMY GOODNESS DOWN YOUR THROAT, AND NO I DON'T MEAN IT IN _THAT_ WAY! AND YOU CAN'T DO ANYTHING AGAINST IT! HAHAHAHAHA!!!"

Sally said "except this" and pulled out a rocket launcher!

"THE FUCK? WHERE DID YOU GET THAT?!"

"Internet auction."

She fired a rocket and blew the wedding cake straight to hell. With her fears beaten, Sally went to take care of some unfinished business.

-

"I'm so glad you finally came, Sally" said a man at the beach. "I thought you would be too scared that you looked fat or something."

"Not anymore!" said Sally, wearing her bikini "and all it took was going to a freaky place and blowing up a talking cake!"

"Well it's good to know you stopped worrying over nothing" spoke a female friend of Sally's. "But THAT guy should worry about something.

The girl pointed to Pyramid Head, who was wandering aimlessly wearing nothing but his big hat and a skimpy speedo.

"I wonder what everyone is laughing at" pondered Kyle.


End file.
